I can do this!

Again with the apologies for not updating the blog more often.  Life has gotten crazy.  My anxiety has gotten the best of me and has gotten quite severe lately.  Although I finally found something that has totally helped me.  I have been seeing my Therapist since January and he thinks I should be on meds for the anxiety, my Psychiatrist still isn't convinced.  I read that the anti-depressant I am on (wellbutrin) can cause anxiety so I brought that up at our last appointment.  So we are playing with my meds, we cut my Geodon down to just 80mg to see if that would help the anxiety, it really didn't.  So now we are cutting the Wellbutrin down from 300mg to 150mg.  But I found a few natural supplements that are totally doing the trick.  Last week I inverted numbers and over charged someone on the credit card machine by 50 cents.  To you that may not seem like a huge deal, but for me it's huge and I typically obsess over it all day long, have anxiety about it and can't get it out of my mind.  Nope, not this time I totally did not even think about it more than when it happened.  So I really think that the new supplements are helping.  I am taking "True Calm", Holy Basil and St. John's Wort.  I've been on them for 2-3 weeks now and have minimal anxiety if any and my brain doesn't tend to obsess over things.  The True Calm is an amino acid blend.  I have been on one before "Neuro-replete" from the alternative Dr I saw back when I had my breakdown a few years back and it really seemed to help.  I came across it by accident while I was at the health food store looking for Taurine for my cats.  I feel so much better, am happier and not freaking out over every little stupid thing.  It feels freaking amazing.

My weight loss is at a stagnant hold right now, I keep going up and down right around 140#.  It's my own fault really, I can't control my eating some times and I tend to binge eat on the weekends.  I am still working out every day, I actually jog for 30 minutes each morning.  I am having surgery and having implants put in my bladder this friday so I can do jumping jacks, sneeze, cough, lift heavy objects without peeing my pants again :)  I can't wait for that as I really miss doing jumping jacks.

Work is going good.  Some days I get a little overwhelmed, we are looking for another receptionist so I will have more help and they will have more help on Tuesdays as well.  I'm looking forward to maybe getting a saturday or two off every now and then as neither of the current other 2 receptionist can/will work on saturdays so it's just me.  Rob has saturdays off so it'd be nice to have one off once in a while to spend with him.  I have help on Mondays (I will just say Mondays are a high stress day for me), and on Fridays.  Fridays are my lowest anxiety day of the week (I can tell that by how long my soda lasts me in the morning lol).  But overall I handle things mostly pretty well on my own.  My manager comes up front and pitches in every now and then and that helps.  It will be nice to have the extra help, we are getting pretty busy so having 2 receptionists will be very helpful at times.

On the migraine front, I am back to getting them just about every day.  I see the Neurologist next week.  I do have some major triggers, too much anxiety and fluorescent lights are huge triggers to me, but haven't been able to pin point other triggers.

On another note, hubby and I are going forward with pursuing having a baby, I see a Reproductive Endocrinologist on September 18th, and we will have more answers as to what we need to do after that.  I'm scared and excited.  Giving birth scares the living daylights out of me, I always joke that I want to be like a bulldog and have a planned c-section LOL.  We shall see what this brings.  But for now we are getting serious about it with temperature charting and ovulation prediction kits and timing the baby dance just right.  I have 3 apps that I am using to track things (yes I have OCD can you tell?).  I will be 38 years old next month, I just hope we haven't waited too long to have kids.  We have waxed and waned over the years, yes we want kids, no we don't but we have decided it is time to get the ball rolling.