Shades of Sunshine

This quote hit me hard today.  Things have been rocky lately, and 'windy' if you will, but it's up to me to change the direction of my life, it's up to me to choose to be happy and to pull out of this depression I have been in.  I can adjust the sails and make different choices to have a different destination. Met with my therapist today.  We talked about my depression.  He told me what an inspiration I was as far as how far I have come since I started seeing him in January (I think that's when I started) as well as my weight loss.  He said I should find a sponsor or an app to give me money for losing so much weight :)  We talked about how my sense of being overwhelmed is from taking on too much responsibility, that I need help.  I tend to just do things instead of waiting for help or asking for help.  I have lists and lists of things that need to be done and I tend to do them myself instead of getting help, this goes mainly for things around ...

<<<<<<<<<<< Love this and am going to take this approach....brutal honesty :)  So this morning I weighed in at 148.0#.  Which is far from my lowest weight in this journey and I gained 5# this weekend.   I have a harder time on the weekends.   I don't know if it's boredom or what but something has to change.   My hubby and I were talking last night and he was telling me how he does better diet wise when I am sticking on plan better.   That's all the motivation I needed to hear.   My hubby has a lot of weight to lose and has  been losing slowly.   His doctor wants him to go on insulin but he doesn't want to.   He had been bringing his A1C levels down some.   He is diabetic.   So back on plan for me.   I went to a gas station this morning and got caffeine free (diet coke addiction I am trying to break)  diet coke and those darn donuts a...

My name is Heather.   This post is going to be true and honesty and real and have to (too much information) .... So stop reading of you don't want to hear about it.   My name is Heather and I have an eating disorder.   I am a binge eater,  I am Bipolar,  have generalized anxiety disorder,  obsessive compulsive disorder and chronic daily migraines.  Hubby and I were eating Tortilla chips and salsa this afternoon and before long I had consumed most of a bag by myself.   Hubby casually asked if I had saved him anything but the crumbs.   Wow I really did that....... Yep that's me.   I have been eating donuts like crazy lately (every morning) and over eating.   I have lost about 80 pounds but the rate I am going I am gonna gain it all back.   We are trying to conceive and are staying fertility treatments and the wait for testing is gonna kill me.   I am supposed to start my perio...

So a lot has happened since I last wrote.  My daily chronic migraines are back with a vengeance, I have had one nearly every day for the last month and a half.  I went to the Neurologist and told him of our plans to TTC (Trying to Conceive) and he flipped out on me, told me I was too old and on too many medications to have children.  Needless to say I left in tears.  Yes Rob and I have finally decided to seek fertility help.  I had my first appointment last Friday.  I really like the Dr I saw, she is up at the University of Utah.  She seems really familiar to me.  So we started off with a bunch of testing and I got some results back yesterday.  I have B+ blood :)  I am immune to Rubella and I have less than normal eggs left for a woman of my age.  She said not terribly low and we can work with it.  So I have 4 more tests we have to do.  I am waiting for my period to start (any day now :)  ) to have 2 of them.  On...