Shades of Sunshine

As the year ends I have been reflecting upon the past year and what I have done and what I have been through.  I have decided that I must accept my past, accept my mistakes and look forward to the future.  I chose to attempt suicide in order to escape the pain that I was feeling, the pain of not being able to accept my short comings, and not being able to accept my bipolar condition and what it caused me to do and not do.  My poor husband put up with so much, it's no wonder he didn't leave me.  I truly have a gem of a husband.  He is so truly amazing it is hard to believe that he is mine forever.  He has put up with so much, yet has stuck by my side and continues to do so.  I wouldn't be any where near where I am in my recovery if it wasn't for him.  He has made sure I have all the tools necessary to heal, to move on and to take care of myself.  I love him to pieces and am forever grateful. Also as we look to the new year, I want to get b...

Today we ripped off   a blogger named  Sally Swift   from the blog Stories From A Life.  She does not state where she found the meme .  But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft's thieves might take some time.  Take the time to comment on other player's posts. It's a great way to make new friends!  Link back to us at  Sunday Stealing!    Sunday Stealing: The Triple Threat Meme Three names you go by, other than your given name :  Heath, Sweetheart, Princess Three screen names you've had : cprcheetah, crazycatlady, cprcheetahtoo Three things you like about yourself :  My smile, my curves, my empathy Three things you don't like about yourself : My weight, my bipolar depression, my skin   Three parts of your heritage : Swedish, English (not sure really)   Three things you are wearing right now :  Sweatshirt, sweatpants and ...

Yesterday I was 'off', not sure why but was super anxious and my hubby said it was like I was stoned in evening I just wasn't myself.  I don't know what my deal was I was just not myself, I felt like crying but couldn't.  I have noticed that I am not as emotional as I was when I wasn't on pills, which is a good thing I guess....just seems like I have a hard time crying even when it's 'worth' crying over. Things in the house are moving along, we have the front room pretty much set up, we need to do some cleaning of the fireplace but we are making progress.  It feels good to have a 'home' that we can call our own, and weird in a way.  We painted the front/sitting/living room a brownish/beige it looks awesome.  Slowly but surely we are getting things in order.  It feels like we will never get our boxes all unpacked, but we will....one day I am sure of it. I got a nice surprise today my paycheck was a lot more than I had anticipated which i...

It’s time for Q . Not James Bond’s famous gadget maker, but the letter of the alphabet: it’s inspiring this week’s set of random questions. 1. Q is for QUACK: What’s the worst medical advice you ever received?   I would wake up with my arm numb, my DR told me to wear a wrist brace at night and it wouldn't happen...lo and behold it still happened. 2. Q is for QUEEN: What do you think you’d most enjoy about living the life of royalty?   Being able to have enough money to do the things I would like to do. 3. Q is for QUICK: What household chores are you lease likely to procrastinate about doing?   Laundry 4. Q is for QUIET: Where do you go when you feel like you need quiet time alone with no distractions?   Usually my bedroom 5. Q is for QUIT: What would you most like to quit doing in 2013?  Being addicted to Diet Coke 6. Q is for QUIZ: What subject in school did you most dread a pop quiz in?   Science

More Saturday 9.......easy and fun way to get to know me better. Saturday 9: Same Old Lang Syne 1) This week's song is the tale of an accidental holiday encounter between former lovers. ( Hear it here .) They sit in her car and spend hours catching up, then she gives him a chaste kiss and they never see one another again. Is there a past love who still has a special spot in your heart, despite the years or the miles since your relationship?  The only past love who has a special place in my heart is my husband whom I am still currently married to.  He is the most amazing man in the world.  He treats me like a Princess even when I am not behaving princess worthy.  He is amazing. 2) This week's song includes a play on the traditional Scottish song, "Auld Lang Syne." Have you ever visited Scotland? I have never visited Scotland. 3) Mother Winters has long told Sam that if she has a glass of water for every glass of champagne she drinks on New Year...

What a year this has been, with me going postal on my bipolar and not taking my meds, and then attempting suicide in August, it has been one adventure after another.  In a strange way I am grateful for my suicide attempt as it has gotten me on the path to recovery with my bipolar.  Instead of avoiding taking my pills as much as I can, I now have missed very few doses in the last 4 months which is really good.  I have regular visits with my counselor and psychiatrist to learn new methods and new coping skills on how to deal with being the bipolar girl I am. Without my experience in August that would have never happened.  It was the scary wake up call that I needed.  I am grateful for my family and especially for my husband who has been by my side through it all, he has been there through the dark and hard times, and is there through the happy and bright times.  He truly is a gem.  I love him so much and wouldn't be where I am today without him.

Here I said I would be better about writing every day and I've missed 4 days. I will just catch up.  Christmas Eve we had my parents and my sister over for dinner, we had quite the feast, we had a smoked turkey that was way delicious, potato salad, shrimp/pasta salad, cheesy potatoes, cucumbers in vinegar (one of my favorite things), spinach dip, 4 different kinds of cheese balls and clam chowder.  It was really good and a lot of food.  Then we watched Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer, which is my husband and I's tradition.  It was great.  Christmas we went to my parent house for Finn & Hatti, which is basically fish and sausage.  It is always the best :-)  Then we opened presents.  Then we came home and spent some time together, then my mom, dad and sister Jen went and saw Les Miserables.  It was epic, it was so good!  Jen and I want to go see it again next week :-P  I am doing good mood wise, sometimes I feel like I am emotionle...