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Holding on to hope

Today I called our insurance to get help finding a therapist to go talk to.  I had to answer some pretty difficult questions, "Are you suicidal?  Are you having thoughts of harming yourself or others"  Yes, I am having bad thoughts, but I have no intentions of acting on them.  Hubby and I were talking last night and it hit me just how much I hurt him this weekend, and how much I damaged our relationship yet again, in case you haven't realized this by now, I'm really good at that.  He is a saint for putting up with all my crap.  It's not like I intentionally want to hurt him or say things to hurt him intentionally, I'm bipolar sometimes I have no control over it.  But we are going to move forward, I am getting help, and we are going to work on strengthening our relationship.  My husband is the most forgiving person I have ever met and I truly love him for that.   We have been married for almost 10 years and boy have we had our ups and downs, but looking forward to creating more ups with the man I love with all my heart and soul. 

So my to do list for the day This may seem like very small things to most people, but when you are in the throws of depression it is a major task just to get out of bed in the morning, which I cheerfully did and made my hubby a yummy breakfast before he left for work.  He had some important tests to take for work today.  Which he passed both of without studying extra for.  He's a brilliant man. Any how this is my to do list of things I needed to and got done today on my day off:

1-  Go to the Chiropractor 
2-  Wash the towels
3- Take down at least one christmas tree
4-  Catch up the dishes
5-  Vacuum the kitchen
6-  Change the litter boxes
7-  Go birthday shopping with my mom
8-  Find a therapist
9-  Exercise
10  Fold the Whites/under clothes & put away

So I found a therapist and have an appointment for next Tuesday.  I am nervous and scared, but excited, it has been far to long since I have been to one.  I am a very private person and have a hard time expressing myself.  My last therapist really had to coax things out of me.  I hope that they will be able to help me.  So far I haven't noticed a difference since adding the B Complex or the Taurine except for really brightly colored pee :)  Sorry for TMI, I just find it funny whenever I take Vit B that happens.  I'm sure it will take a day or two to get into my system and start working. 

I wrote most of the above this morning.  I am feeling more hopeful and a little better about things tonight.  I have been listening to one of my favorite authors series today J.D Robb and her "In Death" series.  LOVE IT, we have Audible and I almost have the complete set, it's been a long time since I have listened to an audio book other than the ones my hubby plays, but I am going to start listening to them on my way to and from work as I have 30 minute drive each way.  It has boosted my mood today and got my mind off of more dire things.    I got everything on my to do list done and even got 40 minutes of exercise done.  If you haven't been able to tell I love graphics/clip art, sayings etc, so I did spend quite a while finding a lot of them for my blog, so keep your eyes open, I found quite a few of some really good ones and they are really hopeful. 
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