Messing up is part of life.....deal with it

This whole positive thinking and being nice to myself is NOT going to be easy. Made a couple of stupid mistakes at work today and boy was I ever incredibly hard on myself. I immediately started telling myself "you are such and idiot, you are so stupid, I can't believe you did that, what a moron you are". I came home and bawled about it. Why can't I just realize I am a human being and human beings make mistakes? It doesn't mean I am stupid, or an idiot or a moron, just that I am human and mistakes happen. Still processing it in my mind, I have OCD about things and can't let it go, so going over and over in my head and having anxiety about it. Took an anxiety pill (Clonazepam) to try and settle my nerves. My therapist wants me to tell myself to shut up when these thoughts occur, but that did not happen today I literally beat myself up for a good portion of the day. One was a mistake about meds for a boarding dog and the other was a slip of the hand on the credit card machine, honest mistakes and not anything huge or anything just crap occurs, deal with it and move on.

So on the diet front, one of our reps brought in eintstein bagels today. If you know me you will know that bagels are one of my all time FAVORITE foods, so I was sorely tempted. My husband and I eat gluten free, sometimes at work I cheat, but lately when I cheat I get a sick tummy so I have been trying to be good as it's not worth feeling like I have the flu over a few moments on my lips. But I was proud of myself, I was stressed out today and usually that is when I cave more often than not, but I did not cave I stayed strong, and had my healthy snacks (hard boiled egg, string cheese). It's really hard to be on a diet/lifestyle change I so easily can slip into my old eating habits of shoving whatever I want into my face. I could swear my stomach is shrinking as I am not able to eat as much as I once could, but I have been reading and it doesn't shrink so I don't know what the deal is, but I get sickly feeling if I eat too much (and it's not even that much either).

On the headache/migraine front, I started my increased dose of Topomax last night, I now take 3 pills at bedtime instead of 2. The day went well up until I left work then it quickly became an 8. I resorted to my Midrin to get rid of it cause it hurt like the dickens. My neck is a bit stiff/sore today as well.

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