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Just an update

  So I have been on a weight loss journey for a year now and I have lost 75# and 63" off my body.  It has not been easy and I have had my ups and downs.  These are my progress pictures.  I have had a relatively good week.  My anxiety about running credit cards through at work has gone down, it's like what my therapist said finally 'clicked' and I no longer have the compulsion to check them 3 or 4 times before hitting enter lol.  I did have an incident where I was hyper focused on what I was doing on the computer and my husband asked for my help 2 times and I totally did not even hear him.....unfortunately this happens a lot.  I don't know what my deal is and I feel awful about it.  Then last night I got a private message on a forum I am on telling me a link that I posted wasn't relavant to the topic I posted on......yeah that made me cry and have a complete and total breakdown......like sobbing tears.  WTF?  Seriously wish I could have a brain transplant....there was absolutely NO reason that should have affected me that way but it did.  So hubby came to the rescue as usual.  He let me snuggle with him and we went and snuggled on the couch and watched some TV.  That always helps my moods, I'd snuggle with him 24/7 if I could.  He's like my security blanket in a way :)
Today at the therapist he told me I needed to get out of my comfort zone and join a club or find/make friends and get more social.  I am extremely shy and have no friends other than coworkers and maybe one or two other friends.  I do have online friends but no one in real life that I can go hang out with.  He also wants me to work on some issues from my past that are affecting me.  It's like visualization type of thing where I imagine me now is back at the situation and I put it in a box with a lock on it and give it to God (since I believe in God).  Then I don't have to think about it any more.  Interesting concept and I am willing to give it a try.  I still have body image issues even though I have lost the weight I still see fat legs/thighs and fat stomach area and flabby arms which they are but what I have done is amazing.  I'm sure a lot of it is my Bipolar brain skewing my thinking again.  But I am going to get past this come hell or high water.  I want to feel and know that I am beautiful, I want to see myself as others see me and I want to feel worthy of the compliments people give me. 




Comments

  1. AnonymousMarch 23, 2015 at 3:56 PM

    wow! congratulations, you look great! That had to have been a tough ride but you did it. Did any of your meds change along the way? Yours is a good success story :) So nice to read these, they give us all hope :)

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