Shades of Sunshine

Such an awesome quote.  We need to measure our own progress and our own abilities rather than compare ourselves to someone else.  Everyone has their own unique challenges and issues that they have been dealt in this life, it's up to us to measure our own progress and see how far we have come.  I know for me I have gone from being a cranky, bitchy, onery person to one who has love in her heart daily, and one who has been able to be happy, I no longer snap at my husband for stupid things and no longer get offended if he asks me to get him something or do something for him.  The past 2 years prior to August were very hard on our relationship and we are continually trying to improve things now.  No one ever wants to hear the "D" (Divorce") word when you are married to the one you love, but that's where my relationship was headed.  It scares me to no end to think that because I let my disease become the better of me and didn't get/seek help that I almost lost ...

Today was a good day, even though I had a land shark (biter) to groom.  He is old and contankerous and very difficult to groom, he doesn't like his face touched, yet it was matted so we had fun dematting his face today, but we got it done for the most part.  His owners give him 'happy' drugs before he comes to see me, but today he didn't act like he had any. <-------------Definitely, you can't change the past only the future.  I have regrets in my past that's for sure, but without those regrets I wouldn't be where I am today.  My mistakes have made me stronger and made me who I am today.  Do I wish I could change my past and make it better?  Yes, certainly, who doesn't want to change something in their past? Our Bishopric (Clergy) came to visit us tonight to get to know us better since we are new to the congregation.  For once I didn't have to spend all day panic cleaning, just had to straighten up a few hot spots and it felt great.  They...

I normally don't post more than once a day, but I feel compelled to post a 2nd time today, probably because I haven't been posting regularly again.  I am sick with a cold and am feeling pretty miserable, however it's my own fault as my hubby kept telling me not to kiss him, I can't help it if he is oh so kissable.  LOL. <--------- I tend to be a worry wort, it runs in my mother's family, I remember my Grandma was always worrying about the little things, if we fell and scraped our knees she would be so worried.  I like this quote as worrying does not change the future it just empties today of it's strength.  I try not to worry but it is part of my anxiety.  Gotta love good ole anxiety.  It seems the older I get the more anxious I become.  I utilize the techniques my counselor has given me, and I am able to minimize my anxiety most of the time, however it is still there.  It is so frustrating, I never remember being an anxious person like thi...

Moving Mountains The faith that can move mountains needs three ingredients to work: belief in yourself, belief in others, and the ability to draw on your inner strength. I really like the above quote.  Moving Mountains can seem like such a daunting task, but you have to have faith in yourself, believe in others and draw on your inner strength.  I know my recovery I have relied a lot on the support of others, and the support that I get from myself as well.   I am grateful that I have chosen to move the mountains in my life and to stay on the path to recovery instead of letting this get out of hand like they were.  I am trying to stay on top of my moods so I can get better and avoid downfalls which there have been ups and downs, I don't want anyone to think that my recovery has just been peachy keen as I have had some ups and some downs. My mountains for the past few days have been shoveling snow.  UGH I live in the wrong state, I hate hate...

Last night I went to see a movie with my sister, Silver Linings Playbook http://silverliningsplaybookmovie.com/   It was a great movie, it is about a Bipolar guy and how he meets a messed up girl and they change each other.  I laughed a lot during this movie.  I liked the fact that they made it 'real' like showed scenes of how a bipolar person can act a little crazy.  It was a great film, I give it 2 thumbs up.  Made me really think about finding the silver linings in things.  We also went out to eat before the movie at Red Lobster, I have never eaten there before, and I was impressed.  It was such good food, and the service was great. Today we had freezing rain, which doesn't happen very often here.  The roads were/are treacherous, it took my hubby over 2 hours to get to work (normally about 30-35 minutes) and he slid off and hit a curb and bent a rim (not good).  I'm grateful that he made it there safely though.  There were several...

Today I had court for the ticket I got for not having my car registered.  Holy cow it's a misdeameanor to do that...I did not know that and now have learned a valuable lesson, don't let your car get past due on the registration.  The judge was super nice, I was the only one that referred to him by "Your Honor" everyone else was like "Sir". I learned that from the clerk at the last ticket I got, that the judge is nicer if you respect him by dressing up and referring to him as Your Honor.  He reduced my fine since I brought proof that I had it taken care of from $40 to $30.  I thought that was nice of him as well as giving me until Friday (waiting till Rob gets paid on Thursday) to pay it.  This court experience was a whole lot different, last time I was an emotional mess, before, during and after.  I love how my pills make me calm and collected.  Was I nervous, you bet, but I didn't cry this time, and didn't have panic attack freak outs, so that was...

How true this is.   Yes I am on medications for my Bipolar, but I also have chosen to have a positive attitude, to not let it get me down, and to keep on trucking.  It has been hard, but I made the choice while I was laying in the hospital bed in August, that I wanted help, I wanted to change and I wanted to be better.  If I didn't have a positive attitude I don't think I would be anywhere near where I am in my recovery. So in today's session with my counselor we talked about exercise, I committed to exercising 1 mile 3x a week for 2 weeks, we shall see how that goes.  I was also challenged to have a 'gratitude' journal, to write down 3 things that I am grateful for each day, and it has to be different each day.  We shall see how that goes, what a challenge.  I am excited to see what I can come up with. Things I am grateful for today: 1-  My supportive husband 2-  Having a roof over our heads 3-  My animals. Tomorrow I have to go t...

So I have not had any caffeine/soda today and lo and behold  my anxiety was minimal.  Yesterday I had one mug full which is 52oz.  I was not on edge today and I didn't need to take one of my anxiety pills.  I was/am so tempted to buy more 2 liters but at the same time, this feels AWESOME!  No freaking out, and no on edge from anxiety.  Glad that it is helping.  What's scary is how caffeine/soda affects me.  I am going to try to keep off of it permanently.  I have done it before and know that it can be done, I just have to make up my mind, and have mind over matter and keep it up. Today I had a very aggressive dog that was rescued like that from a rescue.  I couldn't even touch him until his owners put a muzzle on him for me, then I was just going to trim his nails that's all he needed done, and the little bugger wouldn't allow it.  I know that dogs need rescuing but at the same time, how can they adopt out dogs who are so aggre...

So my days off have switched to Tuesdays.  Even though I slept in today, I have gotten a lot accomplished.  I scooped litter boxes, swept up the litter mess the cats scattered all over, done some dishes, put away laundry, painted the trim in our office/craft/hobby room, took out the garbage. Which is quite a bit for me normally I spend my days off just goofing on the computer.  But I am proud to say that today was different, today, I made the choice to be somewhat productive.  My sister and I are going to go to dinner and a movie today.  We were going to go at noon however she had to go into work so we'll go to a later show.  We're going to go see Skyfall. I always look to the past, and have regrets, I like the quote above because if I regretted my incident in August, I wouldn't have learned anything from it.  I have learned so much in the past 6 months, and feel so much better than I did.  Yes I still have my down days, but I am so happy that...

Taken From:   Sunday Stealing: 40 of The Most Random Questions Meme, Part Two , 21) What ’ s something you ’ ve always wanted?   A Great Dane dog :-)  I've owned 2 of them and would love to own another. 22) Do you have hairy legs?   For whatever reason, I only grow hair sparsely on my legs 23) What does  “ Semper Fidelis ”  stand for?   Always Faithful or Always Loyal 24) Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?   Not a fan of swimming in either....stems from nightmares I had as a kid about Jaws. 25) Do you wear a lot of black? Yes my work uniform is black pants 26) Describe your hair:  Short cropped, naturally curly, brown hair 27) Do you have Entomophobia? I don't care for preying mantis or grasshoppers, they scare me 28) Are you an adult?   Depends :-)  Yes I am an adult 29) Do you own or rent?   We are hopefully renting to own   3 0) Do you have a tan?   No 31) Are you a...

Saturday 9: We Owned the Night 1) Can you recall a time when you danced and romanced like you "owned the night?"   I haven't danced the night away since I was in high school eons of years ago. 2) Samantha Winters admits she earned the name "Crazy Sam" during her party girl days in the 1980s. But now she's in bed by 11:00 PM. Do you have a regular bedtime?     My hubby has to get up pretty early for work so we are normally in bed between 9-10pm 3) Lady Antebellum is one of the most popular acts in country music. Do you often listen to country music?   LOVE LOVE LOVE Country Music.  It's the only thing I listen to. 4) Are you responding to this meme on a desktop or laptop or phone or tablet?     On my laptop 5) How often do you check your horoscope?   I check it daily in my email 6) Congratulations! You just won a trip to Switzerland! Is your passport up to date?   I have never had a passport 7) Do you know how to snow ski?   ...

We have quite the doozy of a winter storm where I live.  It is up to my knees.  I had to shovel so I could get out to go to work.  I rescheduled all my grooms as the roads were treacherous and I didn't want my clients to have to drive if the roads were nasty.  I got stuck trying to get back into the driveway.  Rob had to come help and get my car in the drive way.  Oh how I wish we had a snowplow.  This is one of the biggest storms we've had for quite a while.  I'm also used to living a little south where they don't get dumped on so much.  Of course I had anxiety driving in the snow, can't help that.  It was quite scary, several people had slidden, watched a mail truck sliding all over the place on the roads.  I hope that it doesn't dump much more on us as we already have at least 1-2 feet of snow.  I live in the wrong state as I REALLY REALLY REALLY Dislike snow.  Can't stand it LOL.  Utah is know for "The Greatest ...

The only difference between stumbling blocks and  stepping stones is the way in which we use them. (Unknown) Today was an okay day, again with the anxiety over getting my car registered, wasn't sure I'd get out of work in time to get it inspected as well as get up to the DMV to get it licensed.  Luckily I was able to do both, so that is one less thing to be anxious about today.  :-)  I did have anxiety driving in the snow though.  It's supposed to be a doozy of a storm.  Joyous.  I hate the snow, I live in the wrong state for someone who dislikes snow.  Oh well.  Right now I am warm and cozy in my comfy clothes, slipper socks and all, and warm in my house. I really like the quote above, as that is true, we can use stumbling blocks as stepping stones and get above the stumbling blocks.  It is our choice how we want to react to situations. I really needed to hear this as I am having the stumbling block ...

Today was another high anxiety day.  So nervous about getting my car licensed, (had to wait until thursday when Rob gets paid).  I went and got new windshield wipers, and tomorrow after work am going to go get my car safety/emissions tested, then head up to the DMV to get it licensed. I really have come a long long way since August and my 'incident'.  I am taking my meds every day have missed only a couple of doses, (one was when I had surgery).  I am functioning better, my house isn't in utter chaos like it once was.  I am having more good days than bad days when before every day was a bad day.  I am getting help with both counseling and a psychiatrist.  I am daily trying to instill positive thoughts, doing anxiety tapping, and relaxation techniques to help myself get healthy.  These are all positive things.  I do know a lot of people don't realize how far they have gotten.  I am grateful for the knowledge that I have, and for every...

Love this quote. Needed badly right now. It seems like my depression is getting somewhat better.  My counselor told me I am too tense that I needed to loosen up.  So she suggested that I dance around the house to music every day to see how it worked.  She said some people have 'movement' therapy that helps them.  So I didn't dance around my house, I danced to the radio at work, surprisingly enough it put me in a better mood and relaxed me.  Woot Woot (can you tell I like saying those words?)  Anyhow I am glad to be a little happier today.  I get to go do a shot clinic with my dad at the local shelter, should be fun. Back from the shelter, only got scratched up by a hyper pug, it was actually fun to see some puppies and help out. I am on high anxiety.....mostly about driving my car with expired tags.....and the fear of getting pulled over.  As my counselor would say just because it happened once doesn't mean it will happen again....but the an...

Today was not a good day, first off I didn't want to get out of bed, then I put off doing something I told my hubby I would do, went to go see my counselor and got pulled over on the way there for having expired plates.....joy for me, now I have to take time off work to go appear in court, oh the joyful fun of it.    Then I went and saw my counselor and cried for the first time in a while.  I have just felt so depressed lately, not severe depression, but just have no energy, takes a lot to get me to do something (other than sitting on the couch playing with computer and watching TV).  I have felt like crying for a while, and just can't.....guess being emotionless is one of the lovely side effects of the meds I am on, I don't like it one bit.  My counselor thinks I am too tense, she wants me to work on dancing around the house for a few songs each day.....okey dokey, guess that will help ease the tension. We made huge progress in a room in the basement yester...

I am not a good housekeeper, never have been, I don't have the 'perfect' company ready house all the time.  Whoops....that is labeling myself, which is something my counselor told me not to do.  Instead of living in the past, I have decided to begin again so to speak, and have been doing quite well with keeping up with dishes/laundry etc since moving into our new house.  I have decided that I am going to do better at keeping the house clean, and keep up with the FLYLady Zones and techniques.  Yes we are still very much in boxes, but we are working on that. My husband has decided he wants to get into trains again, so he has bought himself some parts.  This is a good thing as that means we will get our 'office/craft/sewing/train' room cleaned out soon so he has somewhere to build his train set.  He is so excited about it, as am I.  I love seeing the glimmer of excitement and happiness in his eyes.  He loves trains.  He had quite the setup g...

Sunday Stealing: 40 of The Most Random Questions Meme, Part One 1) What side of the heart do you draw first? The Left 2) Can you dive without plugging your nose? Don't know I haven't been swimming in years 3) What color is your razor?   Pink 4) What is your blood-type? Do not know 5) Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours? Ooh....hubby likes this question....I would want to be tied to my dear sweet hubby 6) What is a rumor someone has spread about you? I don't know 7) How do you feel about carrots?   I love carrots, they are so yummy   8) How many chairs at the dining room table? Just 2 there are just the 2 of us 9) Which is the best Spice Girl? Spice Girls?  Who are they?  J/K, don't really care 10) Do you know what time it is?   Yes it is 3:42 right now 11) Do you know all the words to the Fresh Prince Theme Song? Nope 12) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator? Probably have a panic/anxiety attack 1...

S aturday 9: Brand New Me 1) It's a brand new year! Do you have any resolutions for 2013?   My main resolution is to take things one step at a time, one day at a time, not to get anxious about the future that I can't control.  I also have the 'normal' ones such as would like to lose about 75#, take better care of myself, keep a clean house using FLYLady's methods, become more spiritually grounded. 2) Dusty Springfield sang of feeling "brand new." What leaves you feeling refreshed and/or rejuvenated?      A Shower 3) Dusty's given name was Mary Catherine. If you could give yourself a brand new first name, what would it be?   Elizabeth which is also my middle name 4) Actor Billy Bob Thornton has dismissed antiques, saying, "I'm creeped out by old stuff." Do you ever shop at estate sales, yard sales or second-hand stores? Or do you want everything brand new?   I don't really shop at yard sales etc, but a lot of the...

Today was a slow day at work, so I took advantage of it and took in Annie my pekingese and Zoey my chihuahua for their spa days.  Annie got a hair cut, and Zoey got a bath and a pedicure.....as you can see from the pictures, neither one was amused.  Zoey has the "I'm not amused" scowl down perfect.  Ted, my boss came down today and he is in a wheel chair, I wasn't sure how Zoey would do but she was so excited and walked right up to him in his chair and got loves, he told me he was going to sneak her home in his jacket.  She definitely is not the 'normal' chihuahua people see....the ones that are nippy, noisy ankle biters.  Zoey has really been a really good dog, my only complaint is that she doesn't always hit the potty pad 100% of the time, but hopefully now that we only have carpet in the kitchen (and not for long) that will change and she will do better about using the potty pads.  She is 7 years old it is hard to believe that she is that old.  Sh...

It doesn't take a New Year to start our lives a new-- God Grants us new beginnings each day the whole year through, So never be discouraged for there comes daily to all men The chance to make another start and begin all over again! --Helen Steiner Rice This is so true.  So often we say, I will wait until new years to make resolutions, why not make resolutions throughout the year?  Why not make the decision to change on a regular basis as needed?  I love this quote because each and every new day is a new beginning, we can start all over again EVERY DAY!    How blessed we are.  So forget the mistakes or the 'undones' of yesterday and start fresh today.  That's what I am going to do.  If I didn't I wouldn't be able to accomplish anything as I would be living in the past which is depression.  Yes my last house was honestly a pigsty and messy and cluttered,, so far I am managing to keep this one semi-clean by doing little thi...

I really have felt lately that God has taught me how to fly with my disease.  Everyone always tells me that I am doing so well and they can't believe how quickly I bounced back from my suicide attempt.  Well I made the choice as I was in the hospital that I wanted  things to change, that I wanted  to get better, and that I wanted  to get the help that I needed.  I guess that was the lowest of low points in my life, and I am so grateful that God caught me and has led me to the counselor and people that I needed to see to get help.  Our insurance company was instrumental in getting me the help that I needed, and I am forever grateful for them. Today was a high anxiety day at work, I groomed 3 dogs for chronic complainers, no matter what their dogs never are like they want them.  They are extremely picky, the dogs hair cuts could be perfect and they will find something to complain about, however they rarely complain to me they complain to my boss...

I guess I am in sort of a slump....not really feeling like doing very much these past few days other than snuggling on the couch with my sweetheart watching tv shows.  I have so much I want to get done, but haven't done any of it.  I had to go feed the dogs at work today, so I did get dressed to my shoes and did that, but came home and have been parked on the couch since.  I have made the decision that I am going to try to be better this year, I am going to try to be more productive and try to keep a clean house, enough is enough.  We still have quite a bit of cleaning to do in the basement of this house, and we will get it done, but take it one day at a time. I have a sinkful of dishes that needs to be done, dog crates that need to be cleaned out, litter boxes that need scooped....I will be back......going to go do at least one of those tasks.    I'm back.....got a load of dishes ready to go, and cleaned the dog crates out.  Woot Woot!  Bab...