One of the hardest things for me is to accept and love myself for who I am. I look in the mirror and see a fat blob. Rob is really trying to get me to see past that, and has me telling myself I am beautiful almost every day. I think it's helping, because even though I didn't put the whole repertoire of makeup on this morning I feel pretty. Still fat but I feel pretty. I am really trying I hate feeling like I do about myself. I know I am a good person (my counselor wants me to eliminate the words Good/Bad from my vocabulary. It's harder than I thought it would be.
Today is my day off and I am actually dressed and working on the house. Taking little breaks here and there. I'm doing what is called 'crisis' cleaning according to Fly Lady. The gist of it is you spend 15 minutes in 3 different rooms, then take a 15 minute break, and repeat the process. I am amazed at how much I can accomplish in 15 minutes in each room. I am working on my main level, so kitchen, bathroom and family/living room. Getting quite a bit done, oh and also working on laundry as well. It feels good to be doing something even if it is just small baby steps. But like I've said before you can't eat an elephant all in one bite/sitting you have to take it one bite at a time which is what I am doing. Rob and I are definitely moving in the next few months so cleaning everything up is imperative. We are also going to hire movers this time....so they can do the moving for us :-)
I accomplished something today by myself that I normally NEVER would do. I tend to let my garbage stack up by the front door, well I just took out a trunk full to the dumpsters. I normally NEVER do this by myself because I have anxiety about my neighbors seeing me do it.....yeah I know I'm a weirdo, but I just did it all by myself, normally I wait until Rob can help me, but we are both very good at procrastinating. I will be so grateful to live in a house again with a garbage can right outside instead of having to walk a good block to do so.
I have felt the same way you did, looking in the mirror, just to confirm that I was fat and ugly. But then I decided to go on a diet and with the weight loss, my confidence has soared.
ReplyDeleteI currently am on a diet, but due to medications and PCOS I have a really really hard time losing weight :( But I keep plugging along.
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