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Graditude

Yesterday they had us say 3 things we were grateful for...
1-  To be alive (Things could have been so different......)
2-  My husband (his support, his job, his love, his concern, and yes his money :-)
3-  The program I am going through (it has been life changing)
Today I am grateful for my husbands amazing job, the people are so concerned, caring etc.  His boss passed on a wonderful website that has already helped me, and I really appreciate it.  It led me to be able to see that the therapist I will be going to has gone through some testing etc to make sure she's what the insurance company sets their guidelines to be.  Found out my old psychiatrist is covered under my insurance.....just not sure I want to go back there.....still deciding on that.  I am also VERY grateful to my neighbor who found my husband wallet in our parking lot and picked it up.  That could have been so disastrous. 

This morning my little 'baby bird' Munchie (he's my siamese cat) reminded of his hunger.  He literally screams with his mouth as far wide open as he can to let me know he is hungry for breakfast and/or dinner.  How this hit me was that I am hungry for knowledge to help me get through this, I am soaking up everything I can to learn how to cope, how to deal with the feelings I have towards myself etc. 

Today was a little off in therapy, but we talked about coping skills when you have triggers.  Some of the coping skills I have learned are:
Exercising
Spending time with Animals
Writing
Playing a game like solitaire.

We talked about how we need to embrace the dark parts of us with the light in us.  I have such poor self esteem, most of the time I feel worthless, ugly, fat, lazy, unable to conceive so yet another thing I fail at.  Etc.  It is hard but that is my life, I look in the mirror and see the most despicable me.  It is something I am working on, something I will always have to work on, and I am using Positive affirmations to help me. 

I was started on 2 new meds today as I haven't had a good night sleep in I don't know how long, which in turn makes Rob not have a good night sleep as he sleeps so lightly.
Seroquel 200mg 1 tablet at bedtime (to help me sleep)
Trazadone 100mg 1 tablet at bedtime (to help me sleep)

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