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Living in the Now



I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUTURE MAY HOLD, BUT I KNOW WHO HOLDS THE FUTURE.   ~ Rev. Ralph Abernathy

This quote came in my e-mail from FLYLady today.  I love it.  all it takes is that first step.  Whether it be the first step of getting help/counseling, the first step to a cleaner house etc.
"To take the first step in faith, you don't have to see the whole staircase: just take the first step."
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.     

Today I met with my counselor for the first time.  I was a little nervous, but I am so happy my insurance company found her for me.  She is going to be awesome.  She does the CBT (Cognitive Behavrior Therapy) You can learn more about it here: http://www.nacbt.org/whatiscbt.htm  Which is something that I have been researching and have wanted to do.....like several months ago, but my procrastinating butt......didn't do anything about it.  She gave me some handouts, and I even have homework....which I am excited about.  She opened my eyes to bipolar a little more as well....I didn't realize that my fixating/nagging on things is part of it, so is the irritability.

I also had a Dr's appointment today.  We discussed the High Blood Pressure, he reviewed my records and said that since I have always had normal ranges, he thinks that it was probably because of stress/anxiety/depression, so I am stopping the Lisinopril and going to take my blood pressure 3x a week and record it, if it gets high then I will go back in.  I guess they ran a TSH (Thyroid) at the hospital when I was in the ER, but he did draw some blood to test T3/T4 levels so we shall see.  I love my Dr because he always sends me a copy of my blood results in a few days.  Got my other non bipolar meds refilled and he said that if I still wake up in the middle of the night on the Trazadone....then we will explore the Sleep Apnea.

I had a dream last night I was pregnant....which is really odd for me.  But it was almost as if now that I am getting the help, and learning the more natural things to control my bipolar, it may happen, so that I can go off of the prescription drugs, or am on a very safe one during pregnancy.  We shall see what the future holds, as we have been trying to conceive for 7 years....without success.  I am learning to accept the fact that I may never have kids and I am coming to grips with it.  I have my furkids (3 dogs, 5 cats) that I love and adore, and I consider them my kids.

One thing that the partial hospitalization has taught me is that I need to live in the now, not worry so much about the future, or the past, but learn from my mistakes and make today an awesome day.
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