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Walking on Egg Shells

So my husband and I have started the path to recovery of our relationship, and he said something interesting today....he said that he is going to be gun shy for a bit as he has been "walking on egg shells" to avoid me grumping, growling, hissing, spitting, huffing etc when he asks me to do something or says something that upsets me.  My poor dear sweet Rob.  I love him more than life itself, he completes me, I can't imagine what hell he must have been going through with this.  I am just glad that he has stuck around and put up with my crap (no one should have to put up with that) and it means the world to me.  On a positive note, we are getting back to normal, I am starting to tickle him in public (he likes to 'tease' me or egg me on, or says things that just get him tickled LOL!), we were at Sam's Club tonight and I said something about how I was feeling and he said "yeah, at least you are back to tickling".  I love that man!

So as far as therapy went today.  I just love it!  I am learning so much and love the people I am there with, everyone has their own crap they are dealing with but how similar is what I am going through (mental health disease) and what addicts and alcoholics go through (alcoholism IS a disease), I love how I can relate to different things.  It has been great, tears were shed today, but that is because 2 guys are graduating and going home tomorrow.  I know 2 days is short, but they totally helped me, they helped me feel welcome and made me feel at ease.  Anyways some of what I took out of todays therapy was this.

     We are only treated the way that we allow (teach) others to treat us.  I love this!  So so true, when we don't stand up for ourselves or communicate (which is a huge issue for me), how can we expect others to treat us the way we want to be treated?  

Living Life Consciously --Being aware of what is going on 360 degrees around us:   Again another issue for me.  I am often times in my own little world or so involved in my computer/internet that Rob could be dancing on his head and I wouldn't notice lol.  Something I am looking forward to changing.  By being conscious of what is going on around you, then you don't just 'do' you make choices with your brain, to your heart and then you act.  I have a tendancy to just do.

Keep doing what you've always done and you will get what you've always got  Love this, how true is it, if I want to get out of this funk, I have to make that choice to CHANGE, I HAVE to change the way I have NOT been taking my pills, I have to talk to someone (therapist, psych etc and tell them that I don't like the way the pills make me feel.....first step....got on a different med!

Smallest part of recovery is quitting  So so true!  I have to quit the negativity towards myself, the grumpiness to my husband and being down on myself.  

I choose to feel..... in group we are asked to introduce ourself, My name is Heather, I am a Bipolar and I am feeling Hopeful etc.....well a guy who graduated yesterday always said "I choose to feel....." and I just love that, how we feel is a choice, it isn't forced upon us, I can chose to feel onery, grumpy etc, or I can chose to feel excited, anxious for change, happy etc.  

Once you recognize the reality of something it's harder to ignore it in the future.    Just like Alchoholics have to take that first step and admit they are an alcoholic, I as a bipolar have to admit that there is something wrong with me, that I have a disease.  That way in the future it's harder to ignore.  Just like an elephant in the living room......yeah you can try and see the 'baby' elephant but the elephant in the living room is hard to ignore.

Today was a great day.  I was able to talk to my therapist, as well as a Dr.  I was placed on Abilify for Bipolar, Klonipin for anxiety, and Blood Pressure Pills....my BP was 158 over 99 two days in a row :-(  I am not so sure I like just having a 'tranquilizer' for anxiety but we will see how it goes.  I do not like however how they wanted me to quit the supplements my Dr gave me on Tuesday.....I really want to use them in combination with the drugs.  We shall see......

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