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I fell apart

So have been feeling rather depressed today, not sure why, but I just have.  Had weird thoughts (like was at the gas station and everyone was buying cigarettes and I thought that sounds good) What the HECK?  I only smoked for about 3 months back in 1996 (and yes I have the asthma lung damage to prove it) why on earth was I having that weird thought?  I can't even stand the smell of cigarette smoke, it makes me want to puke, so I have NO idea where that twisted thought came from.  I guess that is the prerogative of my messed up bipolar mind.  Sometimes being bipolar really sucks lemons!  But as the thought says, when life hands you lemons, make lemonades.

I  was feeling down, my parents came to see me (bring a dog back to the shop and bring me some Halloween bandannas) and my older sister Lara invited me to lunch tomorrow.  My older sister Jennifer (also my "sponsor") calls me EVERY day.  I can't tell her how much that means to me, I look forward to her calls and I don't know why but her call today was just what I needed to pull me out of my depressive funk.  We talk usually anywhere from 10 minutes to 30 or 40 minutes, and just chat about our days.  I don't know if it helps her (she is also bipolar) but I know it helps me immensely.

I need to work on my willpower as far as my diet is concerned.  My boss is a paraplegic, and is in a wheelchair so once or twice a week if I go get it he will buy lunch for me.  So today was burger king and I was bound and determined to start my diet today.....yeah that went well......I got a chicken sandwich with large french fries....why can't I just choose a salad or something healthy like that?  Definitely something I need to work on....will power.
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