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Weighing in on myself

Believe in yourself,
in your vision for your future
and in your ability to take a small step each day toward achieving your vision.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I have an unhealthy relationship with food.  I tend to eat bigger portions than I should.  8 years ago I lost over 60# doing the lean for life diet, and I want to do that again.  I want my husband to join me on this journey, we both need to for our health.  So eating healthier it is for me :).  I am an emotional eater.  I get upset I stuff my face with food, I am nervous/anxious I pick in whatever I can find.  I weighed in at 222.0# today, yes it is TOM so I have water weight, but I am so disgusted with myself today, that I gave up, I lost almost 20# while Rob was out of town in March/April.....and when he got back, I gave up essentially.  I want to have children almost more than anything in the world, I don't see that happening in my current weight.  We have been trying for 7 & 1/2 years to conceive and have only had 1 positive....but we miscarried.  I am taking the first steps to get back on track and back on my lower carb diet (I aim for 100 carbs or less per day).  I look at my body and I hate it.  I absolutely am disgusted with my body.  It is one of the things I am working on with my counselor (body image, confidence etc).  If I want to love myself, I have to take the steps to take proper care of myself.  No more crappy foods!  If I/we have to take it baby steps at a time, so be it.  That's what we will do.  We both LOVE potatoes, which aren't good for Rob's inflammation, we were eating french fries etc all the time, we have talked about it and are going to cut back to eating only potatoes once a week on Sundays for breakfast.  Which is very good for us, considering we were eating potatoes 4-5 times a week.  I hope my readers don't mind but I'm going to start talking about my weight loss efforts on this blog too as it is one of my bipolar demons I have to battle every day.
I have had a rough weekend, had lots of ups and downs.  This morning I met with my attorneys assistant and was a little anxious.  I rubbed my bauble (little glass rock from my wedding) that helps reduce stress/anxiety and took my rescue remedy (Bach's Flower Essences).  I am proud as I got through it without a panic/anxiety attack as well as no 'what if' attacks.  I'm very good at having those.  What if is one of my favorite phrases.  I have been trying to do better about not playing the what if game lately.  
I decided to be productive today, and did some cleaning in the kitchen as well as did some dishes and laundry.  For a bipolar person somedays it's all you can do to even put one foot in front of the other and actually even get out of bed.  Today is sort of one of those days, I'm emotionally exhausted from the past few days.  Feeling slightly overwhelmed, but remembering the phrase from my friends husband, you can't eat an elephant in one sitting, has to be taken piece by piece, so little by little I am making progress.  I am so incredibly grateful for my sweet husband and his patience with me and my issues.  He should be awarded sainthood for dealing with everything my bipolar butt has put him through in the last 2 years.  I am incredibly overwhelmed with his love and my love for him.  He's such an amazing person.  I do not know how I lucked out with such an amazing man.
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