Staying Positive amidst the darkness

I had a friend ask me today how I can remain positive with everything that I have been through/been going through. I told her that it does me no good to have a negative attitude about things, God has blessed me in my life so very much, I feel like I don't deserve a lot of it, but if he's willing to trust me with it I am willing to accept it. I have been through a lot in my life, but those are lessons that I had to go through, things that 'polish' my edges so to speak and make me who I am today. I wouldn't wish what I have been through, and Bipolar on my worst enemy, however I am grateful that I am finally getting the help I need so that I can heal from all the emotional scars in my life, so that I can move forward and have a wonderful life with my husband. Yes somedays it is a major task/effort to remain positive and not let the negative take over, but it's a choice I have made. I want to change, I want to feel better, I don't like feeling so down and depressed, I want to be that happy, go lucky, excited person my husband feel in love with almost 8 years ago.

I want to be ME! I want to strengthen my relationship with Rob again, and make it better. We are working on it slowly but surely. I ruined his trust in me with some of the crap that "Bitch" Heather did. That's what we call my time when I was/am grumpy, onery and just plain mean. I hate bipolar, yes it is a curse, but at the same time I wouldn't be who I am today without it, without what I have learned in the last few months about myself, and about my disease. I don't like calling it a disease as it's not like it's diabetes, but at the same token it is as if you don't take your medicine for it, things can get really ugly. I have only missed 1 dose since August 12th and that was the morning of my surgery. That's going from having a 3 month supply last me 2 years to actually needing refills on time of my medications. That makes me so happy, so proud!

To me Bipolar is just a 'label' for a chemical imbalance in my brain. To my former boss, he used to make fun of clients and say they were Bipolar because of things they did or if they got upset with him etc. It made me so uncomfortable. I believe in Karma........that's all I am going to say about that.

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Shades of Sunshine

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