Who I am choosing to become

Alot of my anxiety/issues come from not having a very good Self Esteem, I look in the mirror and all I see is the fat and ugly me. I wish it were different but it isn't. I am glad to say I have lost 8# this past week, I have really been watching what I eat and trying not to gorge on too many bad foods. It's been hard but definitely worth it. Going to keep it up, as I know part of my self esteem is tied to my being so overweight, I am probably 70# over weight. I hide my weight very well as I don't look like most people who are my weight.

This weekend has been tough I have felt very depressed, and got in a disagreement with my husband who is feeling a little left out lately. I am very selfish, there I said it, it's not on purpose but I think part of it is my depression, and Bipolarism, that and the fact that I guess I really am all about me, and selfish. I really do want to work on my relationship with my husband, he means the world to me (although I don't always show it) he really does. He makes me want to live, makes me want to be a better person. I really am trying, I do need to try harder where he is concerned. He said I make my blog out to be that he is first in my life, when he doesn't feel that way. So that is something I am really going to focus on and try to change, I don't want to lose him. I want to become the person that he fell in love with and married 7+ years ago again. I want to be there for him and make him happy.

I am proud of myself, got 3 or 4 loads of laundry put away and hung up today as well as 3 loads of dishes in the dishwasher and 3 loads by hand. Even took a bit of a catnap, but got some stuff done today. Feels great.

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Shades of Sunshine

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